People, Like the Bible, Have Been Tampered with Too Much To Be Considered Fact

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High Thoughts? (I Hate Having To Title Shit)

I’ve always have been addicted to the way things sound. Fascinated by the fact that how you choose to describe, depict, convey shit basically decides yours and whoever you’re communicating with’s reality. A small vocabulary is a limited life experience. Not having the words to apply to people and situations can have you intepreting shit all wrong and sharing your limited ass view.

That’s why people with charisma rule the world and always have. Most shit we hear is bullshit, just communicated to us in a way that appeals to our sensibilities. That pimp shit. Sell you a dream with that reality price tag. Hefty.

This is going all left smh. Too many thoughts at once.

Basically I’m saying, I find it difficult to fuck with people who ain’t hearing the words I’m saying. I have the vocabulary and sound mind to say exactly what I mean and see. We grown and basically any change should be met with surprise, not anticipation. At this point, we gone need to already be on the same accord for you to scratch past this surface. The surface ain’t so bad either, so… I guess enjoy this shit

Red October

Haven’t posted in over five months.. shit’s been real. Real funny, real dramatic, real shitty, real good. Titled this post Red October because.. because this feels like that point of anticipation for everything. That pregnant pause at the light before skeet off into the night.. on your way to some shit you probably shouldn’t be in. Your thoughts, a fight, some subpar coochie… nigga shit. Not black shit, ignorant shit because who knows where the fuck we’re headed. Only irritated with this long ass light because we just wanna be any where but the place we just left.

On another note, my hormones raging. Autumn does that to me. Like juices travelin down the middle of thighs, I just left some place hot…. just hopin it’s not as dry as it is cold at the end.

This is either gonna get unnecessarily horny or redundant, so… thanks for checkin my blog and sorry for being gone so long

Have You Ever Come..

across something… and with no real rhyme or reason… KNEW it was yours?

Assured that the only matter… was that of time?

I think I’m there.

Random Ipod Shuffle… Turned Playlist

When A Sure Thing Fails

Without a lot of fancy talk, shit’s fucked up. All around the country, there are educational budget cuts. The numbers and statistics are baffling. Hundreds of thousands of teachers being laid off across the country. Charter schools replacing public, boasting of better learning experience but producing no real noticeable results for the children. But what IS noticeable is that these charter schools lack unions, so teachers are experiencing less job security and lower wages.

I can’t help but clench my jaw listening to the bullshit I hear everyday. Credit card, mortgage, bank bailouts. This shit.. ..this shit isn’t the responsibility of the government. We seem to be confused about the responsibility of individuals, privatized business, and the government. Education is the responsibility of the government, a responsibility it took for its self. No one can convince me that the recession we are now experiencing is not due, at least partially, to the two wars that we have been financing. Surely, if we withdrew the troops there would be enough money to cover the states’ deficits. But someone is benefiting off the war. God forbid I said who. Children’s welfare is getting lost in the soullessness of these fucked up old people.

It costs about 34,o00 to house a single inmate in a correctional facility. Besides the fact that no correcting takes place, and that most of those being held are being so based on a judicial process that is far being faulty, WHERE IS MY CHOICE???? I have none. Theses scraps I make are taxed for causes I don’t believe in. Systems that cannot even believe in themselves.

A sure thing has failed. We thought education was a given. We thought, ” I can always teach”. Nothing is what it seems, Uncle Sam is selling dreams and hoes and johns are forever in need of a distraction from the real. Leads me to feel like this….

I could go on forever about this but what will it really do? Time to start writing letters to our politicians, exercising the power we do have in the fucked up ass process. Time to stop waiting for the world to change and start doing better with what we know.

And… as always… there is music for everything.

Revolution.

Revolution.

Revolution?

Musica…

Some of my favorite music right now…

Higher Than This- Ledisi

This song is my shit for a few reasons… the 1st being this woman can sing her ass off. In the age of Ciaras, Keris.. it’s refreshing to hear some SING. She is killin’ shit vocally right now. Music and of course, lyrics, keeps this in rotation.

Mayer Hawthorne- Green Eyed Love

Love his style…. and I can relate.

Big K.R.I.T- Hometown Hero

 

Dude released a decent project, but this is shit, the 1st thing I ever heard from him, is what stays in rotation. Nice ass sample from one of the better vocalists of our time (imo), Adele.

Lol

I came to write something and couldn’t remember the topic laughin my ass off at my previous entries. It’s not that they’re humorous, just crazy how my moods change so abruptly and all dramatic like.

Now I don’t even have anything to talk about. Til later…

Title-less

There is nothing new under the sun… just new ways to describe everything touched by light. I’m sure there are plenty of people like me in the world, people who have felt like loners all their lives. Not given what is essential, that love from one or both parents, and instead of searching for it through others, decided to just withdraw and wait. Never trying to force a circle into a square.

But what becomes of us? Our kind? Admittedly, I read and smoke, self-diagnose and medicate (to each his fuckin’ own). Read somewhere that for people who weren’t granted the security of parents, there are a few ways to fill that space. One way is through becoming a parent. Being able to give a child that which was not given to you can bring about fulfillment. Ok. Another way is through religion,  romantic relationships, deep friendships, etc.

I don’t know where to go from there. These solutions make  sense. More than those, is the idea that I have to work harder than the average person to nurture myself. Talk to myself more. Pat my own self on the back, nurse my own wounds. And for years, that is precisely what I have been doing. I don’t rely on anyone, for anything. My pride, my caution, won’t let me. Been on my own since the age of 13, put myself through college; relying on my on wits, determination- my own heart.

But…. I am getting weary. I don’t believe strongly in many things at all, but I believe most of all in Love. No matter how hurt I’ve been, how long I have had to go without the thing that should be a given to any child brought into this world, I have faith in love. I know my purpose is to love. To be love. To exemplify… love.

I have considered the idea that maybe…… maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved. Given the fact that I’ve never had one person love me unconditionally, and I have survived 24 years. I am still able to love my child, my family, and my friends with a depth and sincerity that I don’t see from most people. So, maybe this is my lot in life… and I should just accept it and learn how to be grateful. To be less needy, less selfish.

But in the case that this is not the truth.. and that the shit I’ve watched and read is true.. that there is a such thing as real, unconditional love…. I just wish it’d just come. Maybe I’m wrong to assume I am ready, but I KNOW I am not wrong to at least want the hope for its existence, right fuckin now. Maybe I am just a lot of woman and the man for me needs a lot of time to prepare. That’s a flattering thought. If it be the case, I don’t want to rush him. I just need some peace. And maybe an understanding. Definitely some hope.

That’s all.

Not Afraid

It’s funny. Anywhere I am, whatever I’m doing, no matter how lost I feel.. there is this voice that is certain, sure. The way that it surfaces usually isn’t through a clear thought. Usually, music is the means of communication, to get myself back to myself. This morning I am working, listening to Eminem’s ”Not Afraid” (produced by Big Boi, who did a great job imo). It’s no coincidence some of my favorite music is drug, depression, demon  influenced. Life is real. I been at a pause in life for such a long ass time. Almost two years now. No real creativity. No motivation. The best of times… the worst of times. Lackluster vision and ambitions seen from behind a dirty screen. I see myself, and so many like myself, waiting for the right moment to get into their dreams. Waiting for the scenery to match the desire.

“It’s been a ride. I guess I had to go to that place… to get to this one.”Thanks Em.